no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
