May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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