There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
