I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. Thereโs a church congregation that knows all my business
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didnโt consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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