I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
