i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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