I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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