i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
