Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
