I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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