i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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