My brain says no but my pants say off.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize