It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
