i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
