I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
