well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
