no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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