the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
