did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
love makes seman taste better
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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