i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize