I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
