One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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