Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
