well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
