I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
