They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
