I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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