Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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