theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
