Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize