I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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