I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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