Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize