these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
