You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
