Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
