and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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