I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
