pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
sex in a hospital.. check
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
