I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
