she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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