Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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