he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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