is your mom at the bar?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
