oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
