I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
