We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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