so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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