just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
