I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
