I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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