Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
