dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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