There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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