Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
