I'm drive I can fine osifer
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
