Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
