I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
