its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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