I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
