I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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