Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
