I look better un-naked...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
