After last night, I could never be a politician.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
