I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just saw a hot homeless man
people are starting to question the shark bite story
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
