There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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