so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
