Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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