I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
