i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
