i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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