If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
