I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
