We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
